Managing the Desire to ‘Fix Everything’ in Challenging Times

Understanding the Emotional Impact of Wanting to Change Everything

At various points in life, many people experience a strong desire for a “magic wand”—a way to instantly resolve problems and improve situations. This feeling can arise from wanting to help oneself, someone close, or a wider community. However, this urge to fix everything can sometimes complicate emotional processing, as individuals focus on struggles and potential beyond current limitations.

Such feelings often involve a complex mix of emotions, including frustration, guilt, and hopelessness. These emotions may manifest as irritation or sadness and, if persistent, can lead to emotional burnout. When the wellbeing of someone cared for is the primary concern, it may hinder individuals from managing their own mental health effectively, potentially causing longer-term effects.

Recognising Limits and the Importance of Gradual Change

Experts suggest that recognising one’s own abilities and understanding what can realistically be changed or influenced is crucial, especially regarding other people’s lives. Change is rarely immediate or straightforward; it often requires sustained effort over time. The process can be likened to climbing a mountain, where each step contributes to progress. While it is not possible to climb the mountain for someone else, supporting them through the journey can make a significant difference.

Strategies to Manage Overwhelming Feelings

Refocusing from broad, overwhelming issues to manageable, immediate changes can be challenging. One suggested approach is to organise thoughts using the concept of “Circles of Control.” This involves categorising concerns into:

• What is within your control to change
• What you can influence
• What is outside your ability to change

Breaking down thoughts in this way can provide clarity and help focus efforts on areas where change is possible.

A resource to assist with this method is available on the Leeds Sanctuary website, designed to help individuals organise their thoughts according to their circles of control.

The Role of Peer Support

Peer support can also be an important factor in managing the desire for a quick fix. Having someone who understands your experiences can create a safe space for honest conversations and emotional processing, even without labelling feelings. Peer support may be accessed through formal groups, professional colleagues, or trusted individuals in one’s personal life. Simply having someone to talk to can help alleviate the pressure of wanting to “fix everything” immediately.

For those seeking support or a space to connect, Leeds Sanctuary offers “Sip and Social” sessions, providing an opportunity to talk and share experiences in a relaxed setting.

Further Information

For more details on the Circles of Control resource and Sip and Social sessions, visit the Leeds Sanctuary website: https://www.leedssanctuary.org.uk/sipandsocial

Source: Doing Good Leeds